Woody Allen

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else. 

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.

Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought - particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things.

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick -- not wounded -- dead.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.